He listens to the wind
by Nina28
Summary: What are we ready to do for our loved ones? Which sacrifices are Chakotay and Janeway ready to make for Voyager and their family?
1. Chapter 1

Prologue  
-s_hreds of dream_-

The view from the lake shore was amazing, Kathryn Janeway couldn't keep her eyes off the water. She had found the lake hidden in that weird looking forest by accident, and she had stopped, dead on her tracks, transfixed by the beauty of the water: it was crystalline and the sun was reflecting on it, creating golden and rosy reverberations, which sparkled almost like diamonds.

The woman got closer to the shore, smiling. She closed her eyes for a second, savoring the smells which surrounded her. She was sure that the water wouldn't be too cold, if she ever decided to free herself from her uniform to take a swim in the lake.

Onamr'jegh had been a beautiful surprise: they had discovered the planet by accident, and had been soon invited to the surface, what was supposed to be a brief stop for a commercial exchange had soon turned into the longer shore leave they had ever had.

Almost two weeks away from their ship and their duties and their journey toward home. Two weeks spent with her crew...which she was finding now more and more difficult not to consider her family, especially after the past two weeks.

She was alone, now, a last walk before going back to their ship, their duties, she had walked into the woods, which surrounded the city of Eroh 'avlask, leaving B'Elanna, Tom and Chakotay while they tried to dissuade Neelix, from getting more Leola's roots.

Last thing she had heard while she was leaving had been a threat in Klingon from B'Elanna.

She had smiled while she left her officers, and the smile hadn't left her face...especially when her thoughts, as it more and more often happened focused on Chakotay.

To say that they had had some problems for the past few years, it meant using an euphemism.

Truth was that they had almost reached a breaking point, almost but not quite. Somewhere along the line they had been able to reconnect, to make amends, to grow closer than before. It hadn't happened overnight, and there were still things unsaid between them. Lots of things unsaid...but things were going surprisingly well, and that shore leave had helped them to be comfortable again around each other.

Comfortable? That was another euphemism if she had ever heard one, she thought blinking her eyes open. She felt alive next to him...and she had been surprised realizing for the past few days, that she couldn't keep her eyes off of him.

When had it happened? Why hadn't really noticed how adorable his smile really was? Why hadn't she noticed that his eyes revealed so much of his soul...of what an amazing man he was?

Why hadn't she really ever allowed herself to notice such things? Why was it happening now?

Maybe because she had stopped pretending she didn't notice the way he looked at her? Or could it possibly be because she had missed it when for a long time he hadn't really looked at her?

She didn't move when she heard footsteps behind her, and she knew, without a doubt that it was Chakotay behind her. It was almost as if she had conjured him up just by thinking about him.

She turned and smiled at the man approaching her, ignoring for a moment her heartbeats gone crazy. Chakotay was smiling back at her, he looked around for a second then said, "You'll be glad to know, captain that our joined effort to stop Mr. Neelix from buying more Leola's roots succeeded"  
She couldn't help chuckling at his words, a sound that surprised her...it sounded so carefree, unlike the woman she was used to being!

Chakotay on the other hand didn't look surprised, only the look in his eyes became softer for a second, especially when she said, "Oh, my hero!"

Chakotay didn't comment on her words, he just took a step forward and was next to her, he was still smiling when he said, "Breathtaking..."

Janeway frowned and crossed her arms over her chest, a brief moment of silence fell between them and then Chakotay looked at her and slowly added, "This lake...the woods...it's all breathtaking."

Yet he was looking at her, and Janeway wouldn't be surprised if he'd be able to read right through her soul...

And right now she was breathless...and it had nothing to do with that lake and that planet. It was him...it was the two of them, together.

"Yep..." She heard herself saying, "It's beautiful here..."

"One would just..." Chakotay shrugged, "take off the clothes and swim in here...I bet the water is still warm"

She smiled at Chakotay's words and had to force herself not to talk, the things she would say would take innuendos a bit further than what they were used to.

As always Chakotay surprised her, he let out a laugh and teased her, "Oh, c'mon Kathryn! I bet the thought crossed your mind too!" Her breath caught in her throat at his words, and butterflies fluttered in her stomach when she felt Chakotay's shoulders brushing hers. She turned toward the man and he smiled at her.

When did they got so close? And why didn't she notice?

He was looking at her now, his eyes bore into hers and she was sure now, that he could read right through her. He could see what she herself had refused to see for such a long time. Yet, it was so clear now...so impossible to hide that she didn't even try.

She didn't want to.

She wasn't aware of anything surrounding her, it had all faded, all disappeared. She was losing herself in Chakotay's eyes and she didn't care. She lightly started when she felt Chakotay's arm gently circling her waist and she blinked in surprise when their bodies were closer so much that if she had touched his chest now, she would have felt his heart beating under her palm.

Would it beat as fast as hers?

His left hand went to her face, to graze her jaw and she closed her eyes as he said, "Breathtaking"  
Her hand went to his face...to make sure it was real, that it was really happening. Her thoughts, though, eclipsed when Chakotay's lips caressed hers.

She closed her eyes, as Chakotay pulled her closer at him and his lips caressed hers, again and again. They were just caresses, tentative kisses and yet they were enough to let fire flow through her veins. She circled her neck with an arm, seeking an even more intimate contact as her lips parted open, accepting Chakotay's silent invitation.

Fire, passion, love, trust, images that filled her mind and heart at once...images of the two of them together, through the years. The Maquis and the Captain, the Warrior and the Princess, Kathryn and Chakotay...

They were together...and she didn't think she had ever been so happy, so whole in her life.

* * *

It was a dream come true, one he hadn't even allowed himself to dream for such a long time. Their bodies were so close now, so much that he could feel Kathryn's breast against his chest and her nipples hardening through the fabric of her shirt. 

His left hand was still on Kathryn's face, brushing her soft skin with his thumb, he moved it up, to feel the silky softness of her hair.

His heart was furiously hammering in his chest but he didn't care, all he cared about was the woman in his arms, her body pressed against his, her perfume that was gently invading his senses.

All he cared about were the dreams he was fulfilling, dreams where he kissed Kathryn and she kissed him back with love, desire, trust.

He was dimly aware of how uncomfortable his trousers had become but when he tried to break away from Kathryn she stopped him, pulling her closer at him, rubbing against him.

He deepened the kiss and his hands went to her neck, to brush with his fingertips her naked shoulders.

Later, he would think of the consequences of their actions, later he would face her regrets if there would be. That wasn't the moment, though. Not on that lake shore in the last minutes of that shore leave.

Later he would think about what their life on Voyager was going to be.

He just wanted to grasp those shreds of dreams, he just wanted to have the chance to hold the woman he loved in his arms.

He just wanted to feel her love, her passion, her trust. Even if for a little while.

He felt Kathryn's hands grazing his shoulders, the woman's fingers tracing the lines of his cheekbones, he shivered when with her fingernails she tickled his neck.

They stood still under the clear sky of Eroh ' avlask, suspended in time and space.

They didn't hear the light rustle which announced the beginning of a transporter. They slightly broke their embrace only when a beam of purple light blocked them, beaming them into their worst nightmare.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thanks to the people who reviewed the first part of the story:)))

* * *

She couldn't say how long she had been in that cell, the darkness had altered her perceptions. It wasn't total sensorial deprivation, but it was damn close enough. Kathryn Janeway was sitting on a filthy floor of a dark cell.

There was a mattress next to her, but its smell had been so nauseating that she'd rather be on the floor. She hugged her knees against her chest as she she took some deep breaths. She had been hurt, although she didn't remember very much about it. What she recalled was the feeling of being studied, probed, stung over and over.

She gritted her teeth trying to block away those thoughts. She would not, could not think about the pain...or else she'd start being afraid and that was a luxury she couldn't afford.

Although she'd rather face her fears, that vague echo of the throbbing pain she had experienced for a while than the cries.

Those cries were echoing throughout the hallway outside and slipped in the darkness of her cell, making it thicker, filthier...and she couldn't bear to hear them any more.

Those cries were ripping her soul apart, they were making her shiver with such a cold that she was starting to doubt she would ever be warm again.

She could hear them, even now, and she closed her eyes in the darkness and covered her ears with her hands. It was useless...they kept coming, kept gnawing at her heart, making it bleed.

They were sharp, full of agony and despair. They were Chakotay's.

She knew he was the one crying out in agony, she knew...even if the sound that slipped in the cell was distorted. She knew...although she had been afraid to even think about that.

She knew it was Chakotay...because she could feel his own pain, it flowed under her skin, so strong that her whole body was aching as well.

She knew Chakotay...she knew his voice...and she was terrified at the idea of what could be happening to him...what ordeal was he enduring, if he was actually crying out in pain? Chakotay was the bravest man she had ever known. He had been her rock for such a long time that she didn't even remember a time where he hadn't been in her life.

And now...he was crying out in pain and there was nothing she could do to help him.

Just like he hadn't been able to help her...when it had been her crying out in pain.

Before that darkness...and that filthy cell.

She recalled how she had looked in horror as the Onamr'jeghs' gentle features distorted in sadistic masks of pleasure while they performed tests on of her.

The Onamr'jeghs, they had trusted them...she had trusted them.

She vaguely recalled a burning, sharp pain at the base of her neck and then it had been agony... darting through her body, leaving her breathless, forcing her to seek respite, oblivion

When she had opened her eyes that pain had disappeared and she had been surrounded by darkness.

A thick, almost living obscurity all around her, filled only with smells and cries...and her breath.

She had heard footsteps nearing her cell, sometimes, and although she had held her breath in fear she had almost hoped they would pick her up and drag her out of that darkness...to take Chakotay's place.

She had hoped to feel that pain again...anything to free Chakotay. But it hadn't happened. They were leaving her alone, with that filthy darkness and her heartache.

She wondered and not for the first time how many members of her crew had been taken. She couldn't know for sure. She had only heard only Chakotay's cries.

She blinked her eyes open in the dark, when a sudden realization took her breath away. Chakotay had cried out in pain, her skin had crawled and goosebumps had covered her face, every time it was like being ripped in two...yet, he had never asked for help. Never had he begged them to stop.

He had just screamed, she thought. And the little proud smile that had crept on her lips faded, and she could feel the bitter taste of tears in the back of her throat.

He had just screamed in pain.

She tilted her head back, resting it against the wall behind her. The wall was icy cold but she didn't care, she needed that coldness, although inside she felt cold, it was like her whole body was on fire, she could feel sweat on her forehead and it tasted as bitter as the tears that she could still taste in her mouth.

She tried to take a deep breath when she heard another cry...but to no avail, her breath caught in her too tight, dry throat. She opened her mouth taking in air, then she convulsively swallowed.

"Hold on Chakotay" She whispered: "please hold on"

She closed her eyes, trying to focus her thoughts, her senses elsewhere. She recalled that moment on the lake's shore. They were kissing when they had been taken.

She had sometimes day-dreamed, over the years, of kissing, and being kissed by Chakotay, she had even wondered, how it would be to touch his skin, to feel their bodies close. She had longed to know the taste of his mouth.

She had always thought that it would be difficult, if not impossible, to find the courage to fulfill those dreams, those fantasies.

She had discovered, instead, that it was easy, as easy as breathing. She shook her head, thinking that their first kiss had been interrupted no less by a transporter.

She smiled, but her smile quickly transformed in a grimace, when she heard another cry.

She felt tears in her eyes and did nothing to blink them back. She owed Chakotay her tears, so she let them fall, feeling them trailing down her cheeks and had to swallow again, past the lump in her throat.

One of the reasons she had forbidden herself to get too close to Chakotay was the fear that something might happen to him...the thought had been unbearable to her. She had lived through that nightmare once, she had hoped never to experience it again. Instead there she was...in the darkness hearing her worst nightmare coming to life.

_ Three years ago I didn't even know your name, now I can't imagine a day without you _

"I beg You, not now..."

Kathryn Janeway whispered in the darkness of her cell.

"Don't take him away from me...not now... "

She rested her head against her knees. In the obscurity of that cell Kathryn Janeway prayed.

* * *

A sudden noise awoke Chakotay from his drowsiness. He wasn't even sure whether it had been sleep or whether he had passed out in pain.

He started, that simple gesture was enough to make the pain return. Actually the pain hadn't never really disappeared, it had been him to disappear for a while. He had been annulled by physical pain.

A pain unknown to him up to that moment. Never had he imagined that someone could still exist, let alone live, after such a physical suffering.

Yet he was still alive.

He was still alive and frightened out of his mind, for what they wanted to do to Kathryn.

He had heard their plans, all of them. He knew exactly what they wanted to do to her.

He knew, that they had made sure he listened to them, so that he could be scared enough or weak enough or both to frighten him into doing what they wanted him to do. They had succeeded.

He ground his teeth when a cramp clawed at his left shoulder. He had been hanging on a steel beam for longer than he cared to remember, he had two ribs cracked, probably broken, his right eye was so swollen that he couldn't see through it, dried blood crusted his face.

The Onamr'jeghs, made the Cardassians look like kids, as for cruelty, besides they were incredibly technologically advanced... They were dangerous. Incredibly dangerous.

They wanted Voyager's captain.

They needed Kathryn: her experience, ability, intelligence, her mind.

He had to prevent it.

He had sworn it. He had sworn that he would defend and protect her, always.

He had sworn that he would lighten her burdens.

There was just one way to do it.

Just one way to protect Voyager and her crew.

Just one way to protect Kathryn.

He closed his eyes, his lips stretched in a bitter smile, but tears flowed on his cheeks. He sighed, that hurt him, in his body and more deeply in his soul, but he didn't care...not any more.

He opened his eyes and tried to clear up his voice, it was hoarse because of his cries. One of the beings who was in front of him looked at him, smiling.

Chakotay kept looking at him, even while he pronounced his sentence, he looked at him while he said, "I'll do what you want..."


End file.
